A “formative” experience. In quotes because I was 23 and experienced. I didn’t get a girl I wanted after she and I messed around. I was an idiot because she was bad news. But young passion blinds, which is why boys off themselves over a piece of tail.

In my oneitis, I chatted up an older man I looked up to, my boss at work. Didn’t know what exactly to ask him, but it was the same question that nearly two decades later will have led ten million young men to google their way to Heartiste’s archives.

I didn’t expect the older man to solve my problem or to play Robin Williams to my Matt Damon, but… it would have lightened my load if he had at least said “That’s a damn good question.” A sympathetic pat on the back would have, maybe, made me forget the chick and pumped me up to charm the panties off another one.

Instead, his face took on a satisfied look as he said “Yeah, I married a good one.” That’s when I understood that there are no mentors. Nobody gives a shit about me, is what sunk in. It was a liberating epiphany because it forced me to accept two things: that I have to figure everything out for myself, and that I have to take what I want with nobody’s help.

I learned to walk on my own.

Boomers had severed every inter-generational link of accumulated wisdom and let GenXers and Millennials out into the world ignorant and deracinated. We’re fixing what’s broken.

Back to love: it’s incomprehensible to me, today, that someone can put a loaded gun to his temple and squeeze the trigger over a gash. It’s a matter of age. At 45’ish now, I can imagine having an affair with a lithe little college girl. It would be fun, laughs, rape-lust at first fuck. But having the kinds of feelings that would drive a man to reckon with his life? No way. There is someone I would die (and kill) for, and it’s not hypothetical-her.

I do feel love. It’s for a woman who is a beautiful mother. She believes that a boy needs his daddy and her every act, touch, and gesture follows that axiom.

A 23-year-old or a fifteen-year-old man today is somewhere else. Unlike me now, he’d kill himself over a fling. His prospects are also tougher than mine were. I didn’t have to work around obesity, Tinder, or zoophilia.

But he has the one thing that I didn’t: tradition.



Marriage Advice to a Millennial

A commenter at 28 Sherman writes:

I’m in my late 20s and know the millennial dating scene well. In my experience, most of my friends who got married wound up marrying their girlfriends from college. If you were not able to do that, I’ve rarely seen any of my other friends and myself get married.

However millennial marriages mean almost nothing and a lot of my friends who got married wound up divorcing after about five years. The Tinder lifestyle is too strong of a pull in all of these marriages. These were the couples that everyone assumed would make it but after a couple of years, the wives wound up wondering “what if” and either started cheating or filed for divorce. I don’t know the statistics of infidelity but I would not be surprised if women are more likely to cheat in a marriage then men are, especially if they are under 40. Their wedding vows mean little or nothing to them.

The thing with modern dating is that due to the narcissism with this generation, a lot of women (and some men, to be fair) are always wondering if they could do better. This is a generation where most girls honestly believe they can be reality TV stars. If you’re a regular guy, you’re only as good until she can find someone better and when she does, it’s over for you. I’m in management and work out so I do fine but I have friends in their 30s and 40s who are in senior management/VP roles and they get their pick of the litter. Every one of my divorced friends who are over 40 has a regular rotation of twentysomething girls; any girl over 25 to them is no good.

I am a GenX’er but married to an early-Millennial generation woman. I know nothing about the current dating scene, so I am relying on others’ testimonials, such as the commenter above. This is not a comprehensive Game post; that you can find in Chateau Heartiste archives, starting with the 16 Commandments of Poon. Rather, this post is a very specific piece of advice for a young man who found a girl who can make a decent wife and mother and he wants to beat the centrifugal forces that the above commenter described.

Here is my advice: believeyour belief has to be realand go hard. Every girl is born to be led and if not you, she will follow Tinder. You make it clear that:

1. You two are a counterculture with specific beliefs. When your country is great again, you two are part of the ruling class.

2. Iron rules will not be broken you her, or by you. Hint: what those rules are, is entirely up to you; if it’s “no smartphones with Tinder,” it’s no smartphones with Tinder.


Let me give you two examples of what I am talking about, one fictional and one real-life.

The first example comes from Arthur Koestler’s little-known novel “The Age of Longing” (1950), in which the female protagonist, a young American expat in post-war France, reflects on three men: a virile lothario she had a fling with in her early youth, her upper class ex-husband, and her current lover, who happens to be a short and physically unattractive Soviet spy who fervently believes in Communism. She recalls the lothario making valiant efforts at satisfying her and failing, her ex-husband “making love like a bird,” as she put it, and her Soviet lover delivering what she had longed for. Through her character, Koestler meditated on the subject of faith and how men who lack it lack a vitality that captivates a woman, while a man who has conviction will be her whole world in spite of any defects he may have.

The second example is a couple I know. He is normal man otherwise, though introverted and somewhat shybut with a childhood accident-borne disfigurement. His wife is average-looking but she does have a pleasant face and the kind of social butterfly personality that is great for inter-family networking. Superficially, I had thought that he had scored out of his league, until I witnessed a large dinner party scene. He is a devout Roman Catholic, this needs to be mentioned. Somebody cracked a Jesus joke and he looked at the jokester, unmindful of the bonhomie that ruled the mood, and told him that he needs to shut his mouth and not blaspheme in front of children. His eyes looked like he is ready to kill. The jokester stammered an apology. Then, I understood.


From my experience, I will confirm that the rules to which you hold your family do work. As one small example in my house, we don’t eat after 5:00 PM for Lent (that applies to just us adults) and even if we forget to eat something as the deadline passes, there are no exceptions when hunger hits at 6:30.

A woman follows a man with adamantine principles. Girls on Tinder crave that too.