A man I was talking with revealed that he is now going through his second divorce. He gives me the gist of the dynamic of his two failed marriages, the common theme being that his wives became increasingly demanding, and that more he tried to comply with their demands, the more cold and argumentative they became over time. For example, a few days earlier he pleaded with his current wife to explain why she is angry and she said that it’s because he had gone out for a drink with a group of friends after work.
“That’s not even close to being the real reason,” I tell him. “She will never tell you truthfully why she’s angry because she herself does not know.”
This is a back-to-basics post; a revisiting of elementary long-term relationship Game strategies that manosphere blogs have hammered out almost ten years ago. My companion continues: “I’m a good looking guy [he is –PA] yet I have a pattern of romantic failure. Is there something wrong with me?” I tell him that looks are big part of what a man brings to the table, but by far not the biggest part. “Managing the relationship,” as I put it, “is the more important part.” Having his attention, I continue:
“Woman’s instinct is to probe and push at her man with the expectation that she finds firmness underneath. She does not realize that she is doing it; it’s instinctive. But when you habitually give in and don’t provide that resistance, she feels angry and eventually disgusted with her man. But this is the rub with women — they don’t understand their own feelings. Your wife does not know why she feels so frustrated with you, so she gave you some bogus reason about you being out with your friends. Her emotions are shallow but they rise up into a hormonal storm and she needs to brace herself against something solid for that restlessness to settle.”
“So should I have picked a bunch of fights with her?”
“Saying no is not fighting. The first time that she made an unreasonable request, before things even got to the point of them escalating into angry demands, you should have told her that you won’t do that. And she wouldn’t have fought with you because she would have found the firmness that she was subconsciously searching for.”
“I see. So instead of feeling like she’s married to a softie, she’d have felt reassured that I have a backbone?”
“Exactly. And she wouldn’t even think of it in those exact words. She would have simply found herself becoming calm.”