A Short Post on Divorce

A man I was talking with revealed that he is now going through his second divorce. He gives me the gist of the dynamic of his two failed marriages, the common theme being that his wives became increasingly demanding, and that more he tried to comply with their demands, the more cold and argumentative they became over time. For example, a few days earlier he pleaded with his current wife to explain why she is angry and she said that it’s because he had gone out for a drink with a group of friends after work.

“That’s not even close to being the real reason,” I tell him. “She will never tell you truthfully why she’s angry because she herself does not know.”

This is a back-to-basics post; a revisiting of elementary long-term relationship Game strategies that manosphere blogs have hammered out almost ten years ago. My companion continues: “I’m a good looking guy [he is –PA] yet I have a pattern of romantic failure. Is there something wrong with me?” I tell him that looks are big part of what a man brings to the table, but by far not the biggest part. “Managing the relationship,” as I put it, “is the more important part.” Having his attention, I continue:

“Woman’s instinct is to probe and push at her man with the expectation that she finds firmness underneath. She does not realize that she is doing it; it’s instinctive. But when you habitually give in and don’t provide that resistance, she feels angry and eventually disgusted with her man. But this is the rub with women — they don’t understand their own feelings. Your wife does not know why she feels so frustrated with you, so she gave you some bogus reason about you being out with your friends. Her emotions are shallow but they rise up into a hormonal storm and she needs to brace herself against something solid for that restlessness to settle.”

“So should I have picked a bunch of fights with her?”

“Saying no is not fighting. The first time that she made an unreasonable request, before things even got to the point of them escalating into angry demands, you should have told her that you won’t do that. And she wouldn’t have fought with you because she would have found the firmness that she was subconsciously searching for.”

“I see. So instead of feeling like she’s married to a softie, she’d have felt reassured that I have a backbone?”

“Exactly. And she wouldn’t even think of it in those exact words. She would have simply found herself becoming calm.”

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31 thoughts on “A Short Post on Divorce

  1. This applies to facing the weather’s tantrums. One learns a lot about women, by studying the sea

  2. Women are like toddlers. Toddlers seek out their boundaries and limitations. Loving parents will set and enforce firm boundaries with consistency. Parents who do not can look forward to a lifetime of coal burners appearing on Girls Gone Wild or oil drillers popping in and out of jail “cuz dey down wiff dat lyfe.” Men who fail to set boundaries for their wives can expect much of the same.

  3. PA, I agree with absolutely everything you said but some guys don’t have the best judgment in picking a mate. They ignore obvious, major red flags, along with a whole bunch of smaller ones that are also colored in various shades of magenta, rhubarb, pink, yellow, rose and orange.

  4. I got out in time. Why I did it in the first place, I don’t know.

    Well, actually I do know: she was fucking hot and the sex was great. But I felt like a target and got out in time. No regrets.

    Both of us had pre-nups. The key is to find a rich chick who has something to lose.

  5. – some guys don’t have the best judgment in picking a mate (Camlost)

    That’s a whole other ball of wax. LTR Game is a yuuuge subject.

  6. Pingback: A Short Post on Divorce | Reaction Times

  7. I agree with Camlost. Guys get so smitten either for some affection or to not be lonely anymore, or in one buddy’s case, he was always afraid of being by himself, that they just shack up with the pretty smile and get ensnared right away.

    Five former buddies just got married within the last four years. One married a lady with a kid already in tow; two married career grrrls (I’m talking prototypical you-go-grrrls) & the girls were/are besties; one married a gold-digger and I can already feel a divorce coming soon as she’d be the kind to pull a stunt like that; and another married a more feminine gal, not like the others—BUT, all girls were in the mid-30s!

    All but the last guy do I foresee future divorces.

  8. Mendo, Camlost to add to my agreement with you, Heartiste has a series of posts c. 2008 titled “Relationship Game Week.” Selecting the right wife was something I hammered on. My points were — as I recall it — along the lines that you want to go for the girl with the best character that’s above your attraction threshold. In other words, don’t let a hot piece of ass blind you to her other qualities.

  9. “The key is to find a rich chick who has something to lose.:

    Yep. I’m one of the few men who, after my several-year stint, actually came out ahead financially, though my ex had enough wealth to not miss the five-figure payment i accrued during our household ‘appreciation in value during the time wedded.’

    All-in-all, we both came out ok; no acrimony or real contact since the day it was final. Relative to norms, we weathered it well.

    Though in truth, the fact that we didn’t have kids makes such a ‘divorce’ an entirely different subset; when kids are in the equation, that of course makes for a world of difference and acrimony level when going through divorce.

  10. p.s.—- my ex was a devout whose priest counseled her against a pre-nup; we did pre-wed counseling and he several times went out of his way to put down the whole concept, feeling it set a doubtful tone to matrimony…….. I wonder if that’s still the norm.

  11. It is strange how some men still haven’t learned any MRM or PUA. It is just the same as a white being beat up by Muzz or minos really.

    …but, this is how the gods made it. The ignorant are injured by their lack of knowledge. A white man today without PUA, MRM and WN is an easy mark.

    They’d oppose the changes necessary to correct the problem. Nature is taking care of the problem.

  12. Sounds as if we had a similar experience. I was married very briefly, no children involved. We remained friends for a few years, but contact faded away a couple of years ago.

  13. But even more to the point, Ryu, is the anti-Supremacist’s CONTINUED BELIEF in possessing what IS NOT A REAL MARRIAGE aand is instead a 3-party legal contract foreshadowing dissolution and the revealing of a true one party STATE power within this contract.

    The understanding above WAS THE ORIGIN of MRM and core ideology of the alt-rite. The understanding was by a de-Christianization of the meaning of marriage said marriage transforms into “marriage” by the machinations of an insatiably liberated (s)tate.

    And what “we” now know is that this understanding NEITHER EVOLVED FURTHER (read: what is real marriage then?) NOR is such conceptually-liberated understanding any longer COMMON amongst the bulk of white males.

  14. MGTOW was premised on the idea of “no good (white) women” thus presenting absolutely no reason to marry these “toddlers.” Is there any doubt that many in the alt-rite sphere will cut their noses off to spite their face? That many young high IQ “white” males devise a “reality” that justifies a self-annihilation? How much more evidence is needed to recognize “(white) genocide” as the dog-whistling cover-up to a real collective (white) self-annihilation?

    WE WANT our young healthy white sons to some day soon get married to your healthy white daughters and we want our healthy white daughters to someday marry your healthy white sons.

    This is credal wS. It should go without saying, but “we” operate in a radically autonomous environment. So it must be relentlessly reiterated with no end in sight.

  15. I experienced the same with my first marriage. My problem was I was taught from a very early age that compromise was the essential ingredient in a marriage. So I did. And the more I gave, the more she took. Until finally it broke.

  16. Two of my pals married Mexicans, and not Eva Longerias but run-of-the-mills.

    Neither of these guys had game.

    One of these relationships is in bad shape but the other seems stable and includes several children.

    I know this guy very well and when we were in our 30s he decided he needed a wife, and approached many women, but all the white girls were hard to get. He is a stable character of good blood and bone but the white girls just wanted to have fun so he went and got a Mexican.

    I also know that this old man was infected with a fair degree of cynicism, about white culture and how we have done ourselves and our habitat. “The white man came and raped the Earth” and all that …

    *********

    Eva Longeria is a dated example — but is the only hot celeb Latina that i that know of, which is its own point. How many of those women are actually hot?

    With all due respect to my friends, their wives are 5s and 6s, and not even white.

    The other thing about these women is the cultural baggage that they come with. Cultural baggage in the form of extended families.

  17. Two other men i know, acquaintances rather than friends, ended up marrying Latinas.

    And both of these guys were similar to my friends in being quality enough in a regular way, but not having that pizzazz! now called game.

    And both of them sort of get got taken for a ride. One was a quick divorce, the other a lasting marriage with children and grandchildren which mixed race children have gone on to marry local Nordic white girls and have kids of their own.

    But in that marriage, my acquaintance who is a distant cousin is along for the ride and in the service of his wife. She is an unpredictable and demanding person. Their children (my cousins) are very good looking white Latin types who are unambitious but well adjusted. My mom described their male children who are into body building as looking like “gay comic book superheroes” which was pretty funny.

  18. Lower-class types marry Mexicans, while beta nerds marry Asians.

    Having said that, I’ve met some successful older White dudes who married White Hispanic women and had beautiful children.

    White women (mostly under 60) are not only demanding, they’re also quite fat. Not more than 10 minutes ago, as I pulled into my street, I had to stop and let an obese blonde girl, 20s-30s, with her big balloon jeans pulled up to her sagging tits, waddle across the street (oblivious to traffic) with a plastic container full of…cupcakes. Fat White women often have this imperious way of walking, as if they’re royalty. This fattie had it.

    In Weimerica, every day is a day at the circus.

  19. ***In Weimerica, every day is a day at the circus.***

    I still enjoy America for the reason I prefer really old dive bars, on the whole. There’s still a latent mythology here, if you know how to look. Proud fatties are strutting like bulldozers in the streets! This is still our era; write those vulgar scenes off. India has actual cows rampant in her streets. Our cattle happen to wear tight-fitting clothes and stare piously at tattered cell phones. Such displays can ultimately be tools and supplements for the imagination and other faculties, if you can stomach them — and of course know how to avoid the parade when you can’t

  20. “Lower-class types marry Mexicans, while beta nerds marry Asians.”

    Honestly, I can’t imagine what it’s like to have a mystery meat child. How do you look at it and think, “that’s mine?” I don’t just mean black/white, but any race mixing. If I had kids with a Chinese woman and my son looked like a little chink, how do you look at it and think “that’s my son”? When it looks nothing at all like you?

    Fooling around outside your race is ok, more or less. Having children though, it’s like watching yourself get erased.

  21. Good post … but a couple explanations are necessary. First, HOW TO KNOW WHEN TO STAND UP TO HER ??? That’s a huge question, it usually starts with something like “Can you give me the salt for my french fries ?” and usually the salt is on the table, but it isn’t. So I look and it was left on the counter … so I go get it and hand it to her. Easier and less stressful than being an ass and saying “GET IT YOURSELF, BITCH !” And that’s how it starts … just being nice and not making waves and not being an ass.

    In addition, SHE KNOW SHE HAS THE UPPER HAND. For example lets say I said “Get it yourself … you useless bitch” … she’d get the salt shaker throw it at my face, freak out, smash shit and then call 911 and say I threatened her … the cops would show up, beat the crap out of me, tazer my ass (unless I was Black … then I’d just be shot), I’d be beaten by 12 cops because those fucking pussies can’t do one-on-one. And once handcuffed and on my back and tazered 12 times into borderline unconciousness … they would then unload on me and beat the leaving crap out of me. AND THEN CHARGE ME WITH 8 crimes, 5 of which are felonies … which total 800 yrs in prison. After realizing what I’d be up against, I would get a plead deal like everyone else (otherwise I would die in prison, so what choice do I have) and plead “Guilty” to something I didn’t even do. So, I’d get probation and suspended sentence AS LONG AS I AM NOW A CONVICTED FELON AND ON THE SEX OFFENDRY LIST FOR THE NEXT 80 YRS OR UNTIL DEATH. Which means I will never get a job again and will be broke and homeless for the rest of my life.If you don’t think so, try applying for a job as a convicted Felon or try to find a place to live (assuming you have the money to pay rent) when you are on the Sex Offender list.

    Or she’d just wait and save up her grievances and DIVORCE RAPE ME where every penny I’ve earned in my ENTIRE LIVE IS STOLEN … along with 90% of the INCOME I WILL MAKE FOR YEARS TO COME.

    Either way, if I attempt to stand up the cunt, my life is ruined. But if you don’t stand up … you’re life is ruined. Its why MGTOW is becoming increasing popular. If you can’t win. AND THE STAKES ARE SO HIGH. Why the hell would any male play.

  22. PA. Shark once wrote that game is counterintuitive. Think of what a chick or jerk would do and do that.

    But in a post feminist world where guys are shamed into thinking assertiveness is chauvinistic and hateful we often tend to err on the side of caution.

    It’s not really gonna hurt if you do something nice.

    The problem isn’t doing something nice or being nice it’s when you do things I. The expectation of something.

    I’m “nice” to girls I’m gaming. It’s calibration it’s contrast.

    I danced with a girl I met at a club.

    Me: how Long have you been dancing ?

    Her: 5 months.

    Me: deadpan stare: “feels like 6 months ”

    She laughs nervously.

    We chat and I move it to comfort and later tell her if it wa ‘nice’ dancing with her…

    I see other guys falling over themselves for this girl. She was nice.

    In other interactions I’m a bigger jerk.

    Calibration is the key. It’s hard for guys to grasp because every movie and to show is now about the strong woman and equality and let’s not say something to upset abyone.

    You can coach guys like your friend but trying to get them to adopt game is unfamiliar and scary.

    The guys who adopt game are the ones who commit to change.

  23. Calibration is like oxygen to game and like air, it’s taken for granted when it’s there. Probably the only way to convey the concept is thru stories and anecdotes like you just did.

  24. I still enjoy America for the reason I prefer really old dive bars, on the whole. There’s still a latent mythology here, if you know how to look.

    The present time is always where it’s at.

  25. I’ve never been enthusiastic about the idea of “America” or “Americans”, tbh. Lived abroad for too many years, seen too many things. I prefer local people from local places.

  26. As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I recently broke it off with my gf of 3 years and moved back closer to the beach. Already I’m sleeping better. Looking forward to getting back into the game.

  27. Wala boy, the men are talking about marriage and LTR game, not 19 year old wannabe YaReally 20 minute relationships on the dance floor. It’s easy to get a hottie in bed, child. LTR game when you’re stuck with her 24/7 is something your less than fully formed brain can’t contemplate. Your comment is not even relevant or on topic here. Can you see that? One comment on a dance floor to a woman you’re gaming but have never even kissed that lasts 4 seconds is not the type of “how nice to be?” LTR issue being discussed here by men with marriage experience, boy.

  28. It’s not easy to get a hottie in bed. It might actually be easier to get some mediocre woman to settle for you.

  29. **along the lines that you want to go for the girl with the best character that’s above your attraction threshold.**

    I have argued for a similar idea, the “threshold” concept, which says essentially that beyond a minimal attractiveness threshold a woman’s non-physical traits really are more important than her beauty. I have always believed/understood this instinctively, and stories like LBF’s have never computed to me (that is, the idea of marrying the wrong person because you were too hung up on superficialities).

  30. “I have always believed/understood this instinctively, and stories like LBF’s have never computed to me (that is, the idea of marrying the wrong person because you were too hung up on superficialities).”

    Samson, I think that what you’re are saying is true for the majority of those in the american socio-economic class ranks; but going by LBF’s avatar bio and established record, he’s of a priviliged economic subset in which the rules and behavioral norms are much, much different. When core social and monetary classes and standards are not only met but in fact are a lifelong given, then other, to many seemingly frivolous or academic qualities become prime. Courtship and mutual rapture can be much more complicated and fleeting at that level, as core social and financial marks have already been met.

    And to be clear, I am NOT speaking out of experience, but rather through vocational exception in that i had a career in that, while not personally wealthy, i encountered many in my line of work who were.

    Life is often very difficult psychologically for America’s elite; when core class, image and financial ideals are met early, had existential dreads and concerns become vital and pressing. I went to a grad school that was amongst the midwest’s most elite and most of the suicides and other dire social emergencies on campus involved the wealthiest grads and undergrads, most of them women.

    Universal human mortality knows no class, of course, and those at the top become aware of that fact early in life.

  31. It’s not easy to get a hottie in bed. It might actually be easier to get some mediocre woman to settle for you.

    And the two best-looking women I’ve ever dated actually didn’t like sex very much, and they both admitted it so I know it wasn’t just me. 🙂

    They were complete asexual duds. Better to have a 2nd-tier gal who’s enthusiastic and/or a pleaser. My theory is that is a white woman is over 30 and has never been married and has no kids then chances are she’s not that sexual and quite content to be alone and untouched.

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