The Cruelty Artist

The subject of psychological cruelty to a woman one is in a relationship with came up in a comments thread on Heartiste’s blog and is also a tangential subject in his post about what women really mean when they call you an asshole. Here are my thoughts:

Cruelty in a relationship comes from one of two places: a takes-two-to-tango dynamic, and a gamma power-trip.

The first kind is a symbiosis of the man’s sadistic sexual persona with the girl’s submissiveness. To understand this, it has to be understood that while the female is the submissive sex, among normal women there are gradations of submissiveness. A woman who is average-to-dominant still seeks to pair up with a man who is the stronger partner, but without a cruel streak. Those kinds of pairs are what we recognize as healthy couples.

Now, the woman with an extremely submissive nature will seek a sadistic male. Counter-intuitively, such a girl is not demure or frail. She is often the cocksure, claws-in-your-face, shit-testing bitch because that’s how she screens out normal men in order to find a sadist with whom she will find satisfaction. They way I see it play out in real life is that those kinds of women end up badly; the relationship dynamic is destructive when adult things such as paying bills and raising children come up. Overly submissive women are damaged goods for most men because they will only respect a partner who leads them to a miserable end.

Occasionally, an extreme submissive will marry a submissive man, who defers to her under the misguided notion that her aggressive demeanor means that she want to wear the pants in the relationship. Perversely those submissive men in turn find fulfillment with that kind of a woman, even as as she is perpetually frustrated with him. A couple with a disrespectful wife and a “yes dear” husband could be an example of this.

The second kind of cruelty from a man in a relationship is the gamma power-trip. A gamma, a manosphere concept articulated by Vox Day, is understood to be a low sexual market value (SMV) male who seeks to improve his position NOT via the normal methods of self-knowledge and self-improvement, but through retreating into delusions of already being a high-SMV man (“if only the corrupt word knew my true value!”) and handling inevitable conflicts by way of lashing out with snark and passive-aggression. My shorthand definition of a gamma male: “alpha ambition without the alpha goods.”

One of the tell-tale signs of a gamma is abuse of power, once he gets some. In contrast with the gamma, an alpha is a natural leader and as such will instinctively work within a male hierarchy, treating those under him dominantly but fairly, while in turn subordinating himself to the stronger alphas above him once those relative positions had been sorted out. But a gamma will not treat those under him dominantly-yet-fairly. He will swing between abuse and obsequiousness to men who are institutionally subordinate to him.  If you ever had a gamma boss, you will know what I mean.

And so, if a gamma ends up dating a normal, usually a lower-SMV girl, he will get a rush from his rare taste of power and treat her like shit. Since she is likely not a submissive — those girls seek out asshole alphas — this will not end up being a symbiotic male/female dynamic. She’ll probably just leave him, unless for some reason she’s stuck with him, in which case she’ll hate him.

If you think you are a cruelty artist, are you the first kind (“takes two to tangle”) or are you the second kind (the gamma power trip)? With the former, the more you lay it on, the more she lights up. In the second case the more you lay it on, the more her light goes out.

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22 thoughts on “The Cruelty Artist

  1. Nice to see! I knew it would happen eventually. Added to my must-read list. Jammed at work now, so more later. Just saying hello.

  2. Nice first post. Look forward to more.

    A gentle-man, but a man superior to a woman, always has to calibrate his dominance.

    The kidding, the general neg, the smirky “compliment” that would read like a complement but is spoken with bemused irony — these are the things the get the tingle going. If you get the gentle push after a cocky comment, or a “Really, I’m with you?” or “I can’t believe you just said that” then the pussy is going to be WIDE open.

    Psychological dominance takes many forms — from the worst kind of sadism to the ease that comes from actual superiority. Never miss the opportunity to assert it — but as a gentleman. The pussy will then purr appropriately.

  3. All, thank you for your godspeeds here and in the previous post and especially to CH for sending the ragged hordes my way. I will do at least one post every two days through November 15th to keep it rolling.

  4. I’ve been a Gamma for most of my adult life, and now I am a boss. In my last job I had a real hard time keeping my female subordinates under control, even though I was starting to learn Game theory because the concepts were new to me.

    I’m still not very good at mastering Alpha behavior yet and I’m trying to implement it at a rate that I can maintain because it’s alien to me. When I’m exhausted or frustrated I’m still reverting to very beta behavior though. I try not to be too obsequious to my employees because I now understand it makes them lose respect for you (especially bitches), but I just try to treat them the way I think I would like to be treated which never works, because it comes off that way. I think. I’m never very good at figuring out how others perceive me.

    While I’m familiar with Vox’s sociosexual heiarchy I don’t follow his blog very closely.
    Can you direct me to examples of Gamma behavior in bosses to help me identify what to avoid?

  5. Glad to see you’ve started a blog! I’ve been enjoying your comments at the Chateau for years. Looking forward to what you’ve got in store.

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  7. Heretic, two gamma boss behaviors right off the top of my head: making jokes at inappropriate moments and micromanaging where not necessary.

    You will get a lot out of Vox’s “Alpha Game” site, particularly his guest-poster Delta Man (posts that are tagged ‘delta’). Those posts are about eradicating gamma behavior in oneself. Key is, don’t try to be an alpha outside of the dating arena. Aim for delta.

  8. Loved your comments, I’m sure your blog will kick ass.

    Quick question: ever notice how, as the years go on, sleeping with white women becomes more and more like hate-fucking? For them I mean.

    They resent us for no real reason, we despise them for being resentful. Shit tests and counter-shit tests.

    What a strange way for an ethnic group to behave.

  9. Jawohl, das weiß ich nich, Mann. Been married past ten years, no new girleens for me.

    Heretic, some more thoughts on gamma bosses. I may do a post on this. See such a manager caricatured as Bill Lumbergh in “Office Space.” Plenty of clips on YouTube if you haven’t seen the movie. He avoids eye contact, doesn’t talk or make requests in direct language, doesn’t listen when the subordinate is talking to him.

  10. The thing about girls who love sadistic men is that everything about them that is true and good and natural is shattered and upside down.

    It’s natural and feminine to want a man of integrity — to this girl, only cruelty with it’s promise of brutal honesty is interpreted as integrity.

    It’s natural and feminine to want a man of higher standing than yourself — to this girl, this pleasure can only be tasted when a man crushes her down.

    It’s natural and feminine to desire your man to penetrate your very being — this girl is so numb that the only penetration she can still feel is pain.

  11. I certainly hope this blog will add some entertainment value to the current formula. Looking forward for more wisdom. Pobłogosław Panie Boże.

  12. I came across Delta’s posts on inappropriate jokes, and I’m pretty sure I don’t do that. I also don’t have time for inappropriate micromanagement. Avoiding eye contact I probably do. Thanks for the reference to Bill Lumbergh. I’ll check it out.

    I gotta say my first thoughts about being Delta is “that is so not me”. I could settle for Beta (in context of the Vox hierarchy, not the binary descriptor), but “Delta” seems like “sheeple” to me by what I understand of the concept. That just means it’s a perspective I need to familiarize myself with.

    To be successful in my position I have to at least pass myself off as “Beta” in the hierarchy. Deltas are my subordinates. I’m uncomfortable and weak in my authority and I have to come to terms with it.

  13. Agghh! Fck!
    I just watched Bill Lumbergh clips and I’m totally like that. “If you could, you know, do such and such that would be great.”
    Dammit. I had no idea how much people despised that behavior.

    My thinking is that I don’t want to give commands and be arrogant, so I inform them of the outcome that I want and leave it up to them to follow or refuse my directive.

    It seems to me I don’t really get this meme. Like if I were his subordinate it wouldn’t bother me that much. Otherwise I wouldn’t act this way.

    Maybe I should go to Vox’s blog for feedback on this. On understanding why people hate this passive-aggressiveness and how I can improve it. I dunno if I have time to start following another well established blog though.

    Thanks.

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  15. Your portrait of alphas (the people who manage to get the levers of power on their hands, in sincere terms) is so idealized.

    They are chivalrous, luminous makers of the great and the good, eh? :)))

    On the other hand gammas (people at the bottom of the power ladder) are cowardly, mean, petty-minded, uhhu?

    That’s how power and powerful people’s fans strive to imagine things are. And that’s, also, how some alphas and some gammas are.
    But no more than 20%.

    You should have the courage to say: I love power and admire the powerful for it is power, no matter anything else.
    But no! You concoct idealistic tv-series level scripts to turn these people, masters at intimidating the others, social deception, and usually hopelessly addicted to power, as if they had all virtues on earth, when they have only one, they play the part you value the most, the lion’s, well.

    Same for WE gammas.
    Our only sin (to you) is we suck at playing the lion’s part.
    All other sins you charge us with (cowardice, lack of loyalty, stupidity, …), that these are gamma traits more than beta delta or alpha is wishful thinking, and a mythical vision.

    % of cowards, disloyal, stupid people are roughly the same at all levels of power.
    And then, the higher you are in power the easier it is to act out your cowardice, disloyalty, and pettiness without facing consequences. So in practice circumstances lead them to be even worse.

    Take this “If you could, you know, do such and such that would be great.”

    I’ll agree that it works worse than a more direct command.
    What you’ll never make me agree with is, however, that who issues a direction that way is a WORSE person.
    It’s just somebody who doesn’t like to be above the others, intimidate them, and boss them, hell, why is this a moral fault?
    It’s a strategic fault, yes, but it doesn’t make you a worse person.

    Same for avoiding eye contact, which (unlike the indirect command input) I never do, but see many do.
    They are shy, it takes so little to notice.
    Again, what’s wrong about being shy?

  16. A lot of alphas are self-important blowhards.

    In this current society, extraverts are favored in their hierarchy. Whereas introverts are adrift and the virtues that they might cultivate are generally not known or respected, because the culture is what it is, and wisdom is ignored and quietude overlooked.

    It is a social culture that is celebrating what, exactly. People strive to be on top so that they can have access to Kardashian’s ass? (you might think there’d be enough to go around)

  17. — Same for WE gammas. Our only sin (to you) is we suck at playing the lion’s part.

    No, the Gamma’s sin is his dishonesty, which is at the root of his other vices. A Gamma who becomes honest becomes a Delta, a normal man.

    — Same for avoiding eye contact, which (unlike the indirect command input) I never do, but see many do. They are shy, it takes so little to notice

    Shyness and eye contact are mostly unrelated phenomena. I know a boy who is a bit shy with new people. But when they talk to him, he looks them forthrightly in the eye.

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