The subject of psychological cruelty to a woman one is in a relationship with came up in a comments thread on Heartiste’s blog and is also a tangential subject in his post about what women really mean when they call you an asshole. Here are my thoughts:
Cruelty in a relationship comes from one of two places: a takes-two-to-tango dynamic, and a gamma power-trip.
The first kind is a symbiosis of the man’s sadistic sexual persona with the girl’s submissiveness. To understand this, it has to be understood that while the female is the submissive sex, among normal women there are gradations of submissiveness. A woman who is average-to-dominant still seeks to pair up with a man who is the stronger partner, but without a cruel streak. Those kinds of pairs are what we recognize as healthy couples.
Now, the woman with an extremely submissive nature will seek a sadistic male. Counter-intuitively, such a girl is not demure or frail. She is often the cocksure, claws-in-your-face, shit-testing bitch because that’s how she screens out normal men in order to find a sadist with whom she will find satisfaction. They way I see it play out in real life is that those kinds of women end up badly; the relationship dynamic is destructive when adult things such as paying bills and raising children come up. Overly submissive women are damaged goods for most men because they will only respect a partner who leads them to a miserable end.
Occasionally, an extreme submissive will marry a submissive man, who defers to her under the misguided notion that her aggressive demeanor means that she want to wear the pants in the relationship. Perversely those submissive men in turn find fulfillment with that kind of a woman, even as as she is perpetually frustrated with him. A couple with a disrespectful wife and a “yes dear” husband could be an example of this.
The second kind of cruelty from a man in a relationship is the gamma power-trip. A gamma, a manosphere concept articulated by Vox Day, is understood to be a low sexual market value (SMV) male who seeks to improve his position NOT via the normal methods of self-knowledge and self-improvement, but through retreating into delusions of already being a high-SMV man (“if only the corrupt word knew my true value!”) and handling inevitable conflicts by way of lashing out with snark and passive-aggression. My shorthand definition of a gamma male: “alpha ambition without the alpha goods.”
One of the tell-tale signs of a gamma is abuse of power, once he gets some. In contrast with the gamma, an alpha is a natural leader and as such will instinctively work within a male hierarchy, treating those under him dominantly but fairly, while in turn subordinating himself to the stronger alphas above him once those relative positions had been sorted out. But a gamma will not treat those under him dominantly-yet-fairly. He will swing between abuse and obsequiousness to men who are institutionally subordinate to him. If you ever had a gamma boss, you will know what I mean.
And so, if a gamma ends up dating a normal, usually a lower-SMV girl, he will get a rush from his rare taste of power and treat her like shit. Since she is likely not a submissive — those girls seek out asshole alphas — this will not end up being a symbiotic male/female dynamic. She’ll probably just leave him, unless for some reason she’s stuck with him, in which case she’ll hate him.
If you think you are a cruelty artist, are you the first kind (“takes two to tangle”) or are you the second kind (the gamma power trip)? With the former, the more you lay it on, the more she lights up. In the second case the more you lay it on, the more her light goes out.